“Do you have that little carpenter’s level handy?” I ask.
David looks over at me from his side of the bed.
“Because I’m feeling pretty askew here,” I say looking down at my torso. My boobs are doing a great impersonation of a ship in distress – listing to the west. “We have a divot in the bed.”
“I think you mean valley. I don’t think there’s any sod that needs to be replaced from a bad golf swing.”
“Valley then. Our bed has a valley. See?” I prop myself up on my side and immediately roll to the middle of the bed. “It’s fine when I’m flat on my back, my tatas are equalized, but if I try to go on my side…” I demonstrate a second time, rolling into David.
“That’s why,” he says - a light dawning. “That is why, by the end of the night, I wind up with 6 inches to sleep on.”
"That's what she said."
“I’m not doing it on purpose,” I say. “Divot.”